Mindful Response Method©

Navigating stress and regulating your nervous system can be difficult at times. However, this practice provides a practical and approachable path toward being present with what is actually happening, determining what is actually important to you, and breaking down what could be overwhelming responses into manageable steps. This is not a new psychological theory, nor is it rocket science, it's simply a new way to organize what works in a way each of us can more easily and consistently practice, without shame, criticism, or perfection as pillars for change.

*The Mindful Response Method© was created and developed by Patrick Bryant, LCSW.

MINDFULNESS l BALANCE l CONNECTION©

Simply put, mindfulness is intentional awareness of the present through the lens of curiosity and kindness; what is actually happening. Mindfulness is not an intervention or theory, but a mindset and way of life.

We often get pulled out of the present moment, and the facts of this moment, to live in the emotional memories of the past or predictions of the future out of protection or preservation. Thoughts and feelings can be helpful and informative, but they are simply interpretations or messengers; cues. They are not facts.

Imagine these cues prompting curiosity about what is actually happening and what we need/want, rather than snapshot judgment and automatic reactions.

Balance refers to harmony - a healthy relationship between instinctual needs or desires and restrictive beliefs, perfectionism, or unrealistic expectations. Example: balancing energy put into connection and performance/productivity, such that you are getting your needs met. As a rhythm, what you put into each may vary in a given moment or situation, but they harmonize or balance out to help you get your core needs/wants met.

Sometimes, we put a lot of energy into maintaining rules in our personal rule-books without really understanding the purpose of them. Did we even put the rules there, are they still relevant, etc.? We then get caught up in stories about following or not following these rules.

At the root of human experience is connection. We thrive in it; we seek it through healthy, and sometimes unhealthy, means. Connection manifests in many ways- with a partner, family member, friend, pet, self, nature.

We feel its absence as much as its presence, whether intra-personally (identity, purpose, Self) or interpersonally (relationships, practices, spirituality). Along with mindfulness and balance, an intentional and harmonious connection with self, others, and nature helps us to feel like we're actively and purposefully participating in our lives.

Pause

Interrupt automatic reactions and processes with as little as a 3 second pause. Here, we simply press pause on ruminating thoughts, building stories (from past experiences, predictions of the future, and elevated arousal in nervous system). This first step is crucial in allowing space for the next three, as it sets us up for resetting the nervous system. The rest of the steps cannot happen if we do not pause in the moment.

Pausing is not to be mistaken as avoiding, quitting, or dwelling. Quite the opposite, we are simply pausing to gather ourselves in the facts of the given moment, in order to be mindful (aware of and attuned to the present).

Presence

In essence, you are meeting yourself where you are. There is, in fact, no other place or time you can be. You also cannot start from anywhere else, other than where you are.

Ask yourself, "What is ACTUALLY happening right now? Identify the facts. These may include physical sensations, factual accounts of what is happening (ex. I am standing in a line with 20 people), awareness of your feelings or thoughts (feelings and thoughts are not facts, themselves, but knowing that you are having these feelings and thoughts, as well as what they are, can be informative).

Be curious about what your feelings and/or thoughts are connected to. Are they connected to the facts you've identified, or perhaps a story rooted in your past experience, predictions of the future, or upholding some rule you feel attached to? Where are you putting your energy?

PRIORITIZE

What do you need or want in this moment, based on what is actually happening? How can you get these needs or wants met? Do you need something from yourself, or do you need help from others? Parts of you may have something to say about asking for help, but remember, those are just parts, not your complete SELF.

What is most important or most pressing in this moment? Ask yourself, "What's the first next thing I need?" Shift priorities to align with meeting your needs/wants, or at least moving in that direction.

Remember to include yourself as a priority. This is not the same as being selfish or egocentric. Think of instructions on a commercial flight; placing the mask on yourself before helping others better insures your ability to help rather than becoming an additional burden. Consider how much charge you have in your battery. Do you have capacity or energy to take this on? At what cost? Overextending, or offering more than you can isn't altruistic, it's more likely to leave you drained or develop resentment, frustrations, exhaustion, etc.

The organization of priorities is flexible, based on current needs and capacity. Think more of a rhythm than rigid routine. Example: If connection with your children is most important to you, perhaps your first next step when trying to get out the door on time is being attuned to your protesting child, taking a moment to let them know you hear them, and then move into the rest. When needing to get to the other side of a china shop, one may not choose the bull as their first option.

PRACTICE

Now, just start. Planning can be helpful, but in excess or perpetuity, it can leave us stuck on the outside of an experience. You've already planned when organizing your priorities. Trust your plan, and allow for a rhythm (moving with and through what is happening, rather than being stuck by rigidity). Even a GPS is useless if it doesn't meet you where you are. You may have a destination, but your present objective is the first next step.

Engage with self-compassion and realistic expectations. Practice can be messy, especially at first, but that's how we gain information about what's working and what isn't. Perfection is NOT one of the 4 Ps. Patience, however, can be considered one of the silent but crucial Ps; patience with self and with others. Understanding what we can and cannot control allows us to shift focus, empower ourselves, and give grace when we don't always get it just "right."